Ten Things You Need

Stuff is great; I think all of can agree on that. But for college, some things are better than others. Often things we don’t even think of can be crucial additions to any College lifestyle. With that said, here are ten things you need (or at least should) have at your place.

Frozen Fruit

You’re in college, bro. You’re not getting fresh fruit; blueberries cost more than a burrito, and we know where your priorities lie. But big bags of frozen fruit are much, much cheaper, and are fine to eat, thawed or frozen. Plus, frozen berries may be the best high snack in history: healthy, cheap, and impossible to gorge on; the cold keeps you paced.

Half a Pack of cigarettes

You may not smoke, but someone you know or meet will. And when they need a cigarette at 2 AM on a Friday night, you’re an American hero.

A Backup Pair of Headphones

Especially if we’re talking about iPod headphones, you’re going to need a backup. They get lost easily, and what else are you going to do, listen to people? Nope. Get a backup.

Two (2) Condoms

A condom is a staple of any overly hopeful males wallet and sock-drawer, as it should be. This, however, is a rookie move: one should have at least two condoms with him at all time. Because think about it: if it goes poorly you’re going to be thrilled to have a backup. And if it goes well? Then a second one is going to be a must, too.

A Non-Mesh Trashcan

This is more a critique of mesh trashcans. Why would you have that? Who needs a trash-can but thinks “man, I sure wish this trash could just breathe a little more in the room.” Plus, a non-mesh trashcan can handle liquid if you overdrank. Mesh is a trap.

Some Batteries

Taking batteries out of things to put in other things is a dangerous game, muchacho. You’ll take them out of the remote for your Xbox controller, then from the fire alarm for the remote, and then you’ll die from a fire. Don’t want to die? Buy some batteries.

Too much toilet paper

There is no such thing as too much toilet paper. There is, however, such a thing as “too little.” Buy too much toilet paper. We’ll see who has the last laugh.

Eight (8) beers.

This is the minimum number of beers to have, as determined by science. Eight beers means it’s enough to share but not too much to be out of money from sharing. It’s a gift, it’s a dinner accompaniment, whatever: it’s beer. And you need eight of them around.

Advanced: A bottle of wine

For when you have to girls, need a gift, or need to class up a dinner. Forever alone and completely class-less? Then it’s an emergency one-man escape raft to drunkville. But seriously, it’s for the other things, bro.

Baking Soda for your fridge

Your fridge smells evil. Stop it.

An Excuse

By far the most important thing to have in your house is something you can’t touch: you need an excuse. You need one thing or reason to justify whatever you want: if you can’t host people, it’s because of the heat, if you were late to class, your power went out, etc, etc. And of course, late at night you may need something cool enough in your house to justify bringing an interested guest. And if it doesn’t go so hot, you may need another excuse to get them out.